My mom rarely talks about memories from when I was young or so , not your typical mom lets say but we're not getting into that , so the other day I got her talking and guess what I learned about baby-Naser ? turns out .. 1st time I walked on my feet I did it with the help of Mlukheyyeh branch in my hand ! LOL ,my mom was preparing some (the old way you know,takin the leafs out of the "sticks" ) and I grabbed one and used it for balance ! damn ...thats so racially funny I thought :D
On the other hand ,just for those who don't know me,I'm not really questioning If I'm naturally racist I know myself well ,I've cleansed myself of that ,u know what ,lets talk about it a little more cuz I find myself a good case study for racism in Jordan , so to make it short ,I had a bit of racism in me during school ,as a child ,how ? I have no idea really ,given that my parents never ever drove us into that direction,at all,as a matter of fact we had a lot of (I'll use the term "originally Jordanian here cuz I can't find a better term) a lot of originally Jordanian family friends,Christians and Muslims, who lived in Amman (the mixed bowel of Jordan) and in other cities and areas (Irbid,Karak,Fhais,...etc) , so having these people with the different dialect around was normal to me ! In family picnics with family friends we'd listen to the old man playing Rababa in Debbeen or whatever park we went to ,u get my point ? It wasn't like we felt or believed it was awkward or unusual or anything of that kind , another example , my father served in the army ,we loved to look at his pictures in the camp n stuff,he used to tell us about it,he also volunteered in the civil army and we used to go to the station with him as kids talkin to the other "cops" n all that ! so far so good no ?
At school I was a boy scout, I raised the flag every morning (I wouldn't let anyone else do it ) oh I should mention here I went to a government public school not an UN one cuz we're not refugees (refugees ; people who came to Jordan after their land was taken in 1948) ,I thought I should mention it cuz if you don't know,there's a big difference when it comes to nationality and citizenship concepts between local schools and UN ones, at the UN school there are Palestinian crafts,paintings ,stuff on the walls that says Palestine is our home and we should return ,etc... , at the local school its not that way ,its a Jordanian school with all what it brings with it of paintings,flags ,crafts,etc... . so you get the picture ,I was the boy scout proudly wearing the picture of King Hussien pin on his brown scout outfit who's in charge of raising the flag every morning who knows the Jordan army and civil army of Jordan as "our army" and "our police" who had "originally Jordanian" 3ammo w 5alto and friends n all that ,now where the heck did I get that feeling that I should hate Faisaly cuz its "the Jordanians" football club as a kid ?I really don't know (dad n mom weren't into football at all,neither was I btw !!) and I think its worth studying ! could it be the school ? "society"? whats society for a kid really ? other than his family and friends ? I really can't pin point what helped form those negative aggressive feelings as little as they were,but they were there ! its dishonest and stupid to deny they were ever there, now that I'm an adult who made up his mind and can look back at things and dissect it .
That idea of "Jordanians don't care about Palestinians ,and therefore Palestinians (And I) should hate Jordanians secretly ) carried on till Tawjihi ,when there was demonstration for Palestine (2nd Intifada events ) on one rainy Friday ,and only one of my classmates came that day (I won't name him ,I never told him this he'll be surprised to read this I'm sure) and he was raising Palestine's flag on a stick with the red Shmagh tied underneath it ,and I whispered to him as we marched "really ? shmagh ?? what's wrong with you !! why ?" and his face goes poker-y and says "I'm Jordanian !" That,honestly ,was one of the biggest slaps my face ever knew ! I felt stupid,wronged,just miserable ,and from that point on ,I started paying attention to this matter (within myself) and worked on it and it continued through university years meeting all my wonderful friends and I boldly declare myself racism-free since long time,it just happened and its a process ,its not like there's a switch or something .
People who will hit on your nerve and try to drag you down to their level will always be there , you have a choice ,to rise above it,or to dwell into infinite loop of hatred and bitterness that's only destroying ,to yourself and to our society . I think we should talk about it more,I'd like it if there are studies on to why someone like me had a bit of racism in his head as a child ,given what i mentioned earlier ! It can't be 3ereg el Mlukheyyeh now ,can it ? :D