Aug 23, 2008

How to deal with death ?

I was a bit in  shock when i realized that today (Aug 23rd) marks one year since my father's departure ! I was shocked and still am because I thought that after a year people kind of "move on", if not "forget"!! or at least they become familiar with the idea, accept it, or embrace it! which didn't happen, yet...!
It's as if for the past year, I chose to run away from confronting the fact in my head every time it came nagging! I tried grasping it, get done with it, more than once, and the result wasn't pretty! wtf ! I find myself weak against this, which doesn't happen often, and i never admit that I'm weak regarding almost anything ! I'd just tell myself that I'm not and I always beat things in my head.. but this one is just too fucking different !
I still have all his stuff ,didn't "Get rid" of anything ! clothes, shoes, ashtrays ,lighters, pens, books, socks, cups, medicine, wallet, razors ,shampoo, cell phone, broken charger, glasses... I even kept the food that could be preserved, the spices, Nescafe jar, beans, wutever i could keep as it is !
I don't get it! when do people over come this? how do you accept the idea ? how long should it take? It seems like i will never! frankly, I don't want to either! I still speak of him in the present tense, I refuse to refer to him as "the deceased" or "El mar7oom", call me wutever you wish I don't care, and don't give me "ma betjooz 3al mayyet '3air el ra7meh" lecture, you do that.
Its frustrating .
But there is a "good?" side of it I guess, whenever I'm out of answers or feeling down, this what I do, I just visualize and Imagine that he is here, and we'd talk, of course when I visit his grave its more intimate, and I don't know how but it works, I feel good afterwards.. eh... but the idea is bugging me !what do i do with all the stuff ?what is supposed to happen to them ? how do people move on ? do they ever move on ? geez this sucks.

11 comments:

lost within said...

Allah Yer7amo =)
it seems u 2 were really close ...
one step into moving on is giving his stuff away ... as long as they stay around u his presence will be even greater ! keep a thing or 2 that are really special to you and have lots of memories and donate the rest :)

NasEr said...

thx lost within .. yes we were pretty close ! I don't know about this donating thing..i really don't know.maybe bit by bit ! i'll see .thx for stopping by :)

moayad said...

allah er7amo w eghferlo .....

Mona said...

May his soul rest in peace. It is not easy to lose someone but this is the life.

NasEr said...

thx for your kind words Moayad and Muna :)

LioneSS said...

الله يرحمه و يحسن إليه و يجعل مثواه الجنه مع الابرار و الصالحين و يصبركم و يأجركم حسن الثواب

NasEr said...

shokran lioness

Diana said...

You know, believe it or not, I don't remember the exact date my father passed away!
I never remember dates like these, I don't want to.

NasEr said...

How ironic Diana !! I actually never memorize any kind of dates !!! i only know my sister's b-day,and i always get mixed up about my brother's and best friend!and thats it!!!but this one got stuck :/
good 4 u anyway :)))

Rasha said...

I know exactly how you feel.
Allah yer7am waldak.
My dad passed away last april 2007
and till this day I can't fully adapt to the thought that he's no longer here...alive...existing.
Late at night and as i fall asleep I reach out for my phone and dial his no. as I used to do to realize suddenly that he's no longer there.
Again, allah yer7am waldeena...regards,

NasEr said...

Thanks for your words Rasha
sorry to hear about ur dad as well :) take it easy on yourself :)
thx for passing by.

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